closeup of woman holding shopping bags and credit card

Hi everyone, I’m Jill, and I’m a shopaholic. It’s been 13 days since my last shop. Ah! I can hear you snickering now. I know, I know — you don’t believe there is such a thing as overshopping.

You probably think having a compulsion to shop is like being addicted to chocolate, watching football, or having sex. It couldn’t possibly be true, and even if it was, what’s the harm?

And my answer, in that uniquely Australian vernacular, is “heaps.” (As a sidebar, in Australia, “heaps” is a legitimate unit of measurement.) I can tell you firsthand about having a compulsion to shop and shop. It can seem harmless enough, but it can wreak absolute havoc.

Havoc not only on the obvious levels, like the financial, but on deeper levels, including relationships. They are often indirectly harmed by too much shopping. You don’t have a lot of energy left for your partner if all you’re thinking about is that cute little pair of red patent heels on sale. Your emotional life can become impoverished when all you want to do is shop. And when you’re not shopping, you’re thinking about shopping. The big one is self-worth! Many women shop too much – and I’ve met a lot since I started my journey of healing. They suffer from almost permanent self-loathing of a mild or lethal variety.

The Overshopping Habit

One of the reasons so many people don’t believe in, or at least discount the impact of, overshopping is because it looks good.  There are all those gorgeous bags with even more gorgeous contents. How could anything that cute be bad for you?

But compulsive overshopping is as ugly as any other unhealthy or addictive behavior like gambling to excess, binge drinking and drug abuse. None of those behaviors, done to excess, is pretty. You only need one walking picture of drunken misery to realize how horrible drinking when done to excess is.

Drink too much, and you could throw up on the footpath or in a garden bed. One terrible story I heard (and I swear this isn’t some ‘friend’ story dressed up as one of my own examples of extraordinarily bad behavior from my misspent youth in a Queensland mining town) was throwing up into your date’s motorcycle helmet. Not pretty!

But shopping looks good. It’s an ‘attractive’ habit. There’s very little vomiting involved, usually. Those who indulge in it, including those who over-indulge in it, are often a weensy bit interested in, if not obsessed by, appearance-related activities and things. And they often look good themselves. But the internal experience of feeling unable to control your spending habits and feeling compelled to buy more, and more, bears a remarkable resemblance to the internal experience of over-drinking or abusing drugs or unhealthy gambling.

The Recovery

My journey back from unhealthy shopping started in 2009 when I took a year without clothes shopping. It might not be a big deal for many people, But then again, a year without alcohol, coffee, chocolate, or watching football wouldn’t be difficult for me, and that would be pure living torture for some. This was a life-changing experience for me.

I now shop consciously, and only when I choose to shop. It’s liberating and a dramatic change in how I used to consume (which I could broadly describe as impulsive, erratic and rapid).

I’m not asking you to suddenly have deep and abiding compassion for those of us who have overshopped or are still overshopping. But I would ask you to at least please stop snickering.

 

About today’s guest blogger:

Learn more about Jill Chivers.


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