There are many different causes for disorganization. Often, people who were previously organized find it difficult to maintain their systems when they’re in some type of emotional distress. My guest blogger this week has some helpful advice for those who may be struggling with anger or resentment.
Forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult word in the English language. For some, forgiveness implies that you no longer hold the wrongdoer responsible for his or her actions. However, forgiveness means only that you relinquish the hold that the wrongdoer has on your life and no longer give them power over your feelings and emotions.
Although holding onto a grudge and feeling victimized may make us feel better, or so we think, it actually does us considerably more harm than good. Resentment and anger are negative emotions that eat at the soul and can cause serious physical, mental and emotional ailments.
How can I forgive the unforgiveable?
Some acts are so heinous that it is difficult to comprehend even the beginning of forgiveness. However, most offenses, whether real or perceived, are more easily forgiven than we want to believe. Forgiveness is difficult because we make it difficult by holding onto grudges and resentments.
Forgiveness is a conscious choice to make an action. It begins with acceptance that an event occurred in the past and the fact that it happened cannot be changed. This does not mean acceptance that the event or action was correct, appropriate, moral or ethical. Simply, it happened therefore it is.
The next conscious step is to accept that the event or action has controlled your life for too long and that it is no longer going to do so. By doing this, you begin to regain control of your life and emotions because you begin to release the negative feelings associated with the event or action. When you can think of the event or action without emotion, just as you would think of yesterday’s weather for example, then you know the hurt no longer controls your life.
How do I get started?
A list of hurts is a must for anyone who wants to regain control of his or her life and be rid of the negative emotions associated with specific events or actions. Make a list of the people who have wronged you, what they did and why. This is the next step on the forgiveness journey.
For example, __Name__________, you hurt me when you ________write out event________________ and it made me feel ______write out your emotions and be very specific___________.
Do this for every person who has hurt you. When you have completed your list, analyze each situation. Visualize the event or action as you remember it. Then look at it from the viewpoint of the other person and imagine reasons they might have behaved as they did. At times, gaining a new perspective on an event or action will release the negative emotions surrounding the occurrence.
When you have completed analyzing the events on your list as well as your new perspective on each event, the next step is to write a message to each individual on the list. This message is intended for your benefit only and need not be sent to the individual. Your message should read similar to the following:
Name____________, I now understand why you did what you did to me. I also understand why I felt the way that I did. I now forgive you for your behavior and actions and relinquish the hold your actions have had over my life. Although I do not condone your behavior, I will no longer allow you to hurt me.
When we begin to think of forgiveness as a way to heal ourselves rather than an indication that we condone a wrong, we ease our life’s path. When we learn to forgive others, then we can begin to forgive ourselves for our own imperfections.
Benjamin Sawyer is internet consultant for divorce attorney NY law firm. Beside his job, his great interests are blogging and psychology. He often writes about SEO, SMM and mental health tips.
Photo: Photo with CC license. Taken from Flickr. Author: hang_in_there